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...and then they lived happily ever after

"you'll be happy a lot more often if you see happiness as a mood, and not as a destination"- some guy from some movie I watched, maybe.
*Looks up, scribbles 10233648 notes*

Growing up, I was very into happy endings, I used to believe that no matter what, everything in life would somehow work out to be great, and almost everyone would end up with their "soulmate".

I mean, what is a "soulmate"??
Someone who comes sweeping you off your feet, taking you to some fancy smancy ball (obviously, you would win prizes for best couple), then you get married, adopt three cats and live happily ever after?
Or is it someone who you connect with on a spiritual level ( maybe a friend, even?) and so you do that creepy thing where you keep saying the same thing at the same time?
Do soulmates even exist? Because it sounds like some social construct.

So why, has children's' TV (Disney) brainwashed me into believing that somewhere out there is my soulmate/the mystery man of my dreams/ my knight in shining armour/ prince charming (take your pick), with whom I will be completely and eternally happy?

I know love is great and all, but it seems that I've painted this image in my head that once you do find someone really worth holding onto, nothing could ever go wrong, and you really will be living "happily ever after"

Which is stupid because, well, it defeats the whole point of human nature.

So, I've decided that I won't allow myself to let my happiness depend on this one person (who may or may not exist) anymore.
I won't allow myself to let my happiness depend on any one person at all.
Instead, I'm going to start thinking of happiness as an actual mood, and let myself appreciate the smaller things as they come (the sound of autumn leaves rustling under my boots, or the feel of hot chocolate in my hands on a cold winter's day), because I deserve to be happy right now, not getting my heart broken waiting for "happily ever after".

(That last line was so corny, I really hope you didn't cringe reading that)

Why do we need feminism today?

If you read the title of this post and thought, "you've already done an post or two on Feminism" (which you can read here and here), you're right, congratulations.

But, you hear so many people clearly stating that they're all for gender equality, but they would never call themselves a feminist???why??? 

bro

This confuses me, so I thought I would go on another feminist rant highlighting it's importance in the 21st century  (you can thank me later).

So, I decided to make a list of why we need feminism today, voilà:

We need feminism because women and men still aren't treated as equals:

• The pay gap
• Lots of women around the world can't access secondary, or even basic education
• Women can't drive in Saudi Arabia
• Women pay more for everyday things (deodorant, razors, and sanitary products)
• We're underrepresented in government 

We need feminism because people say things like this:

• "I wish we lived in the 1970s when girls wouldn't argue back"
• "I don't need to know how to cook because I'm a boy!"
• "In a relationship, the man is the head of his wife"
• "sit like a girl"
• "OMG how gay"

We need feminism because the LGBTQ community needs equal rights as straight people:

• Being able to go to public toilets without any issues
• Being able to get married where they please
• Generally not being made fun of because of their sexuality

We need feminism because it represents men too:

• Male rape victims, who can't speak up for fear of not being "manly" enough 
• Trans men who are transitioning 
• Men scared to express feelings that aren't "manly" (i.e. the idea that they're scared or hurt etc)
• Men who shame their bodies because they don't fit society's rugged stereotype 
• Men who feel they can't be interested in cooking, or cleaning because it's just too "feminine" 

Well, that's it folks, I hope you are now a proud feminist (or at least you learned something there, that's okay too)

You tell em' girl. 

A woman's cry

She was told she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders,
so gently, she shrugged it off,
stripping herself bare,
her raw flesh exposed to the sun,
the curve of her breasts, the silkiness of her legs blazing under its heat,
yet she did not feel any lighter

Instead she swallowed your gasps and whistles,
impulsively, like air she cannot live without the shame,
which hastily weaves itself over her lungs,
so every time she breathes, she aches with the pain you put her through

And she collapses.
Because suddenly, the weight of the world is nothing compared to you,
sitting on her shoulders,
squashing her pride,
marking your territory.

Letting go

Your mouth is a weapon of mass destruction,
I swallow you whole like poison,
letting you dribble through my veins,
your warm hands encasing my heart,
squeezing it tight,
then tighter       then tighter        then ti..

putting your ear to my slowly rising chest,
you sigh,
my chest flattens again,
you press your ear harder,
I breathe, you sigh
I breathe, you sigh

You're gripping my heart so tightly,
if were to you let go,
your rugged hands would be forever implanted on my soul,
prying it open,
so that I lose myself through all the cracks you've created in my skin.

I breathe, you sigh
I breathe, you laugh
you laugh at your hands,
your blood stained hands, still clinging to my heart
you laugh at me,
I'm the punchline of your joke.

You laugh so much you cry,
and a tear falls onto my cheek,
you laugh so much your insides hurt almost as much as mine,
A hand flies to your stomach, trying to heal the pain,
your eyes still shut,
because, so are mine.



I began writing this poem about mental health, in particular, depression. Having said that, sometimes less is more, so I'm going to shut up and let you interpret this as you will. 

Who am I?

What defines you? 

A pretty standard question, with a not-so-standard answer.

So, when I first meet someone, I would tell them my name, where I'm from, and sometimes you can tell if the person you just met is religious, if they wear anything obvious (like turbans, head scarves or a cross around their neck).

That's pretty funny, isn't it?

We introduce ourselves, by telling people all about the stuff our parents inflicted upon us moments after we were born: our names, our nationalities, and religion (if you were born into one)- this isn't stuff we chose ourselves.

But does this mean that all of this doesn't define me?
Kinda.

The thing is, people are going to look at the scarf on your head, the colour of your skin or the name on your tag and come up with some judgement within seconds. That's just human nature, and the influence of society.

But their opinions of your name/ nationality/ religion don't define you- what defines you is your opinion of yourself.

You could change your name and stop wearing a turban if you wanted, but then people would just come up with something new to put you down. 

You HAVE to be comfortable in your own skin, and if making changes like the above make you feel that way, then do it. But only to please yourself, not that judgy old lady that lives two doors down.

So, maybe you can define yourself by the amount of happiness within you, or the amount of self worth, or how much you value you give to people's opinions about you.

Either way, you should define yourself as something beautiful. 

I've been living in the future since I was seven

Back in his "High School Musical days" Zac Efron wisely said that "we should all live in the moment" (or something like that...give me a break it was like ten years ago).


Anyways, being a major Troy Bolton fan, seven year old me thought about this for days and days and noted how many times I caught myself worrying about the future:

• What am I having for dinner tonight?
• How many never-ending lessons until lunch?
• Am I going to watch "H2O" tonight or "Hannah Montana" tonight (probably both, if you were wondering)

And now it's more like:

• Am I going to pass my A levels???
• Am I going to get into uni???
• What's am I having for dinner tonight???

So, ten years on, turns out I'm still worrying about the future, I just have different questions ( kind of). I guess that means I've been living in the future since I was seven.

And, that's okay, thinking ahead is just part of who I am. But, sometimes I'm afraid I'm not appreciating the moment for what it is, which is a bit of a loss.

I mean if your friend has just fallen up the stairs and you didn't catch it because you were so spaced out worrying about next month's rent, well, you missed out on a great opportunity to laugh at them, and that sucks. big time. 

So, from now on, every time I find myself thinking two hours ahead of time, I'm going to give myself a virtual slap and just take a second to appreciate where I am and all of the amazing things going on around me. 

I hope Zac Efron is proud.